Among These Roses

Date of Graduation

5-2024

Document Type

Thesis

Degree Name

Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing (MFA)

Degree Level

Graduate

Department

English

Advisor/Mentor

Davis McCombs

Committee Member

Geffrey Davis

Second Committee Member

Rebecca G. Howell

Keywords

Poetry; Ableism; Learned helplessness

Abstract

Highlighting differences in perception between the external world and the self, this collection of poems explores the realities of living with a disability in a society that marginalizes and others the disabled body. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (CF) at six months old, I grew up knowing CF would eventually kill me, that by some practical definition, I was terminally ill; even if a “cure” did one day come along, I would always be made up of the same mutated genes that doctors pinpoint and label as CF. These poems investigate—across physical, psychological, and mythological terrains—the consequences of living in an world controlled by ableism. Written over the past four years, the poems take place firmly in the jaws of a COVID-era reality; where vulnerable people are still isolating to protect ourselves from the dangers of infection. The systemic barriers and ableist norms that support the structure that have always been in place have become more pronounced since start of the pandemic. By using a combination of confessional and allegorical voices, the speaker, and “girl” these poems threads together my autobiographical memories, feelings, and jumbled thoughts into telling some version of the truth about my disabled experience. The various and myriad ways life is affected by diagnoses: cystic fibrosis, the diabetes, the post-traumatic stress disorder that comes along with decades of learned helplessness formed from enduring medical trauma and societal ableism. Where these poems look away from the medical and societal world—whether by choice or force—they find respite in the natural world. A fox limps by in the woods and sea turtles wear scars from boat motors; become covered in barnacles as they age. When we start paying attention, we see that disability is natural.

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